June 17th, 2003

Life is a lemon (and I want my money back!)

What about your friends? They're defective - all the parts are out of stock
What a joke. I don't have many people I'll bother to call friends anymore. That number got reduced again. I can now easily count my friends on one hand without strainin' my brain.

What about your family? It's defective - all the batteries are shot
Hmph. Why bother? All it does it lead to opening yourself up to bein' stabed in the back and betrayed. Not everyone takes the opportunity to do that - but it sure seems more and more that friends and family are both willing to drive one right between your shoulderblades. Better ta just keep your distance, and your back to the wall.

What about hope? It's defective - it's corroded and decayed
I had hope at one time. The world finally beat me down to the point I don't care anymore. It's time to give up and be yet another drone in life.

What about faith? It's defective - it's tattered and it's frayed
Faith in what? I don't have much faith in anything anymore. I've lost my trust in pretty much everyone.

What about your town? It's defective - it's a dead end street to me
What's left here for me?

What about your work? It's defective - it's a crock and then you die
Yeah... there's a nice subject. Got a job that I don't even know how long it's gonna last anymore. At the moment, it looks like calm seas again. Problem is, the captains of this boat haven't figured out how to navigate, and us oars men get the brunt. And of course, when things look bad, they throw another oarsman overboard and expect better results.

What about your future? It's defective - you can shove it up your ass!
Pretty much my future is worthless. I've got one business venture going, and it's a stunning failure. The other one I'm exploring will probably be the same. In fact, I'm pretty much starting to consider it a dead end already. I'd have to fork out about $20k to get a restaraunt for gamers going, and for what? Just to watch it go down the drain, and take the rest of Heather and I's finances with it? The game company has turned into one hell of a pit anymore - I throw all the time and energy at it that I can, and get near zero returns.

It's all or nothing, and nothing's all I ever get
Everytime I turn it on, I burn it up and burn it out

It's a never ending attack, everything's a lie and that's a fact
Life is a lemon and I want my money back

And we're always slipping through the cracks
Then the movie's over, fade to black
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!


Time to quit the dreams. Time to change - quit swimming upstream, and just follow the current. Be another drone, work until I'm 65, retire, and die at 70. Hopefully I can do that with the ONE bright spot in my life - Heather. That's if people quit trying to tear her down, and explain how she's a bad wife. And if she doesn't finally decide some day that I'm really not worth the love and effort.